


no exit

by jaedori



Series: my mind goes blank when i'm with you [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, I guess not really sweet, JaeYong - Freeform, Jaehyun is an angel, M/M, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Random & Short, Short & Sweet, Taeyong is precious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-07-26 01:09:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16209515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaedori/pseuds/jaedori
Summary: i love you, i love you, i love you, i love yo-----Taeyong locks the door nineteen times.--





	1. the silence

 

 

 

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

Yet ironically, there isn’t a clock around him. Taeyong tried hushing it with all his might, but even with numerous attempt, he can never shush the inevitable loud tick tocks around him.

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

When you have obsessive compulsive disorder you never really have quiet moments. Every day is a constant reminder of misalignments. Every moment is an infinite prompt of distorted colors. Taeyong never knew what serene feels like—every second of his life is spent thinking. Did he wash his hands? Did he turn the lights off? Did he lock the door? Did he wash his hands? Did he turn the lights off? Did he lock the door? Did he wash his hands? Did he turn the lights off? Did he lock the door? Did he wash his hands? Did he turn the lights off? Did he lock the door? Did he wash his hands? Did he wash his hands? Did he turn the lights off? Did he lock the door? Did he wash his hands? Did he turn the lights off? Did he lock the---

When you have obsessive compulsive disorder you never really have quiet moments. In every time passing, in every motion, you’ll hear constant agonizing voices shouting at you. You’ll be able to identify and pinpoint every disarrangement because the haunting screaming beside you commands you to. So, it greatly surprised Taeyong, that when he met Jung Jaehyun—every whispers, every ticking, every agonizing voices, every colors, everything just disappeared. The only thing that he can think of is how beautiful would it be to have this kind of picturesque peaceful moment, and how it will make him giddy to share that moment with the younger. Everything went quiet. When you have obsessive compulsive disorder you never really have quiet moments. But Taeyong found his.

\---

“Hi, I’m Lee Taeyong. Do you want to go out with me?” Perhaps normal people will find it creepy, having a stranger standing right in front of you suddenly asking you for a date. A peculiar creepy scene for some. Jaehyun is no exception, but there is something really adorable in the way Taeyong’s hands are shaking while he was introducing himself that made the scene a little less awkward.

“Uhh…” Jaehyun started but was briefly interrupted by Taeyong repeating the same exact words he said earlier. “Hi, I’m Lee Taeyong. Do you want to go out with me?”

"Sure?" Jaehyun answered. He's a little unsure, since it's really strange having a guy stand in front of him, clumsily asking him out, but it will be rude of him to reject the stuttering beautiful guy in front of him.

“Hi, I’m Lee Taeyong. Do you want to go out with me?” The said guy asked again.

Jaehyun just smiled.


	2. the shouts

\---

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

When you have obsessive compulsive disorder you never really have quiet moments. Every day is a constant reminder of misalignments. Every moment is an infinite prompt of distorted colors. Taeyong never knew what serene feels like—every second of his life is spent thinking. Did he lock the door? Did he close the cabinet? Did he turn off the stove? Did he bring his pocket sanitizer? Did he use his usual toothpaste? Did he turn off the fan? Did he lock the door? Did he close the cabinet? Did he turn off the stove? Did he bring his pocket sanitizer? Did he use his usual toothpaste? Did he turn off the fan? Did he lock the door? Did he close the cabinet? Did he turn off the stove? Did he bring his pocket sanitizer? Did he use his usual toothpaste? Did he turn off the fan? Did he lock the door? Did he close the cabinet? Did he turn off the stove? Did he bring his pocket sanitizer? Did he use his usual toothpaste? Did he turn off the fan? Did he lock the door? Did he close the cabinet? Did he turn off the stove? Did he bring his pocket sanitizer? Did he use his usual toothpaste? Did he turn o---

 

"One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven--" Suddenly there was a tap on his shoulder. Taeyong composed himself, trying his very best to shush the constant loud voices in his head telling him to continue counting and thinking about the unlocked door no matter what. Because that’s what he’s supposed to do--- that’s what those voice always say. Count. Check. And constantly remind himself about the littlest tiniest details.

“Hey.” Taeyong saw Jaehyun smiling at him. Sweet. But the voice inside his head kept telling him how Jaehyun’s lips are a bit chapped. It’s too dry. It’s a bit too pale. It’s a bit thin. It’s too dry. It’s a bit too pale. It’s a bit thin. It’s too dry. It’s a bit too pale. It’s a bit thin. It’s too dry. It’s a bit too pale. It’s a bit thin. It’s too dry. It’s a bit too pale. It’s a bit th--. "Did you wait long?" The younger asked, while he was trying to wipe the little sweat beads on his forehead. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Taeyong counts the little beads falling.

Today had been a little too hot for Jaehyun, so it surprised him in seeing Taeyong dressed in a black sweater, a matching black rubber shoes, a black gloves and a black mask. Taeyong removed his black mask, and folded it with three equal portion before keeping it on his sweater’s pocket, only to fold it again and keep it on his right pocket this time. Am I supposed to keep this in my right pocket? Am I supposed to fold this in four equal parts? Am I supposed to keep this in my right pocket? Am I supposed to fold this in four equal parts? Am I supposed to keep this in my right pocket? Am I supposed to fold this in four equal parts? Am I supposed to keep this in my right pocket? Am I supposed to fold this in four equal parts? Am I supposed to keep this in my right pocket? Am I supposed to fold this in four equal parts? He turned to face Jaehyun with a nonexistent smile. "You're, seven and a half seconds late."

"Oh. Am I?" Jaehyun shrugged. "Sorry."

\--

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

When you have obsessive compulsive disorder you never really have quiet moments. Every day is a constant reminder of misalignments. Every moment is an infinite prompt of distorted colors. Taeyong never knew what serene feels like—every second of his life is spent thinking. Is the food in this restaurant safe? Is the table free from microscopic bugs? Did the dishwasher use a lemon dishwashing paste? Are the meat kept in a fridge? Is the floor mopped? Is the food in this restaurant safe? Is the table free from microscopic bugs? Did the dishwasher use a lemon dishwashing paste? Are the meat kept in a fridge? Is the floor mopped? Is the food in this restaurant safe? Is the table free from microscopic bugs? Did the dishwasher use a lemon dishwashing paste? Are the meat kept in a fridge? Is the floor mopped? Is the food in this restaurant safe? Is the table free from microscopic bugs? Did the dishwasher use a lemon dishwashing paste? Are the meat kept in a fridge? Is the floor mopped? Will Jaehyun notice? Should he say something about it? Why is Jaehyun wearing a pink polo with a navy blue leather wristwatch? Will Jaehyun notice? Should he say something about it? Why is Jaehyun wearing a pink polo with a navy blue leather wristwatch? Will Jaehyun notice? Should he say something about it? Why is Jaehyun wearing a pink polo with a navy blue leather wristwatch? Will Jaehyun notice? Will Jaehyun notice? Will Jaehyun notice? Will Jaehyun notice? Will Jaehyun notice? Will Jaehyun notice? Will Jaehyun notice? Will Jaehyun notice? Will Jaehyun notice? Will Jaehyun notice? Will Jaehyun notice? Will Jaehyun notice? Will Jaehyun notice? Will Jaehyun notice?

 

Taeyong sighed and decided to tell the younger the obvious. “I have obsessive compulsive disorder—“

“I’ve noticed.” Jaehyun said while he was pointing at Taeyong’s meal. Taeyong spent a good amount of time in organizing his meal by color and size. Meat is at the upper portion. Vegetables are arranged according to their color. Green. Red. Yellow. Chunks. Strips. Throw everything else. Green. Red. Yellow. Chunks. Strips. Throw everything else. Green. Red. Yellow. Chunks. Strips. Throw everything else. Green. Red. Yellow. Chunks. Strips. Throw everything else. Green. Red. Yellow. Chunks. Strips. Throw everything else. Green. Red. Yellow. Chunks. Strips. Throw everything else. Green. Red. Yellow. Chunks. Strips. Throw everything else. Green. Red. Yellow. Chunks. Strips. Throw everything else.

“Don’t cut me off.”

“Sorry.”

Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence. Silence.

“But may I ask is it severe?” The younger apologized but did not stop his mouth from asking the older about this certain condition that makes him feel bad about almost continuously hearing the same thing over and over again. But Lee Taeyong is precious for him. So he thought, the two of them can get through this together. He just need a bit of information so he can know what to do in a certain situation without harming the former.  Taeyong was a little taken aback by the statement, if it’s from another person, he would’ve felt a little uneasy and even offended. Normally, people ask him that because they think having an OCD is a defect, he’ll never deny that it is indeed a flaw on his part—but having been asked if your condition is severe is same with being asked if you’re crazy enough to be in an asylum. Like mentally ill. Which is a little true perhaps. Perhaps, Taeyong is crazy. Taeyong however just nodded. Tired from hearing the constant voices shouting at him. “Not so much, but yeah it’s a little severe. Does that make you uncomfortable?   You can ditch the date if you want.”

Jaehyun shook his head. Honest. He’s telling the truth. But you never know. He may be faking it. Look he’s trying to smile. Honest. Honest. He’s telling the truth. But you never know. He may be faking it. Look he’s trying to smile. Honest. A voice from Taeyong’s mind said. The younger smiled at Taeyong, and Taeyong knew the exact reason why it is quiet around Jaehyun, the younger is just perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect.

“No. Not at all.”

Taeyong still smiled nervously, a little afraid because even though the constant voices bothers him—the silence and sereneness kills him _too_. It’s just that, he’s not used to this. He was about to touch Jaehyun’s hand but he saw that the younger’s hand is a little greasy so he just smiled and moved his hands back. Oil. Grease. Dirt. Oil. Grease. Dirt. Wiping in the same direction with the same paper towel. Clockwise. Clockwise. Clockwise.

\--

It was on their ninth date when Taeyong finally clasped their hands together. Touch his hand. Don’t. Touch his hand. Don’t. Touch his hand. Don’t. Touch his hand. Don’t. Touch his hand. Don’t. Touch his hand. Don’t. Touch his hand. Don’t. Touch his hand. Don’t. Touch his hand. Don’t. Touch his hand. Don’t. Touch his hand. Don’t. Touch his hand. Don’t. Touch his hand.  

 

He thinks the younger’s hand are still greasy but to hell with the germs and everything. Jaehyun let out a surprised sound before smiling and looking at their intertwined hands. “Does this bother you?” Taeyong asked trying to let go of the younger’s hand. But Jaehyun shook his head with that same sweet soft smile of his. “No. But, doesn’t this bother you?” The younger asked.

Yes. A lot. Yes. A lot. Yes. A lot. Yes. A lot. Yes. A lot. Yes. A lot. Yes. A lot. Yes. A lot. Yes. A lot. Yes. A lot. “A little.” Taeyong managed to state. “But I’m alright. I’ll be alright.”

Jaehyun caressed Taeyong’s hand. “I brought a sanitizer, do tell me if you want some.”

“I have mine.” He looked at the younger, the silence is back again.

\--


	3. the start

 

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

When you have obsessive compulsive disorder you never really have quiet moments. Every day is a constant reminder of misalignments, every moment is an infinite prompt of distorted colors. Taeyong never knew what serene feels like—every second of his life is spent thinking. Did Jaehyun keep his keys? Did Jaehyun lock the car? Did Jaehyun tell his parents? Did Jaehyun bring his usual sanitizer? Did Jaehyun keep his keys? Did Jaehyun lock the car? Did Jaehyun tell his parents? Did Jaehyun bring his usual sanitizer? Did Jaehyun keep his keys? Did Jaehyun lock the car? Did Jaehyun tell his parents? Did Jaehyun bring his usual sanitizer? Did Jaehyun keep his keys? Did Jaehyun lock the car? Did Jaehyun tell his parents? Did Jaehyun bring his usual sanitizer?

 

"Hey, Taeyong hyung." Jaehyun said when they're done placing groceries on Taeyong's refrigerator. It took the younger a while to get used to this whole ordeal of being too clean, too well thought-out and too arranged. He thinks how much of a challenge it is to completely memorize the do _s_ and dont _s_ inside his boyfriend’s seemingly very organized refrigerator. But as he was reminiscing he laughed a little. It was chaos. Chaos in a way that it shouts at him too. Leave a dirt here. Remove the eggs from the carton. Don’t defrost yet. Remove the milk in its designated place. Place an expired rotten tomato around the onions. Leave a dirt here. Remove the eggs from the carton. Don’t defrost yet. Remove the milk in its designated place. Place an expired rotten tomato around the onions. Leave a dirt here. Remove the eggs from the carton. Don’t defrost yet. Remove the milk in its designated place. Place an expired rotten tomato around the onions. Leave a dirt here. Remove the eggs from the carton. Don’t defrost yet. Remove the milk in its designated place. Place an expired rotten tomato around the onions. Leave a dirt here. Remove the eggs from the carton. Don’t defrost yet. Remove the milk in its designated place. Place an expired rotten tomato around the onions. Leave a dirt here. Remove the eggs from the carton. Don’t defrost yet. Remove the milk in its designated place. Place an expired rotten tomato around the oni---. Everything is just so perfect that he silently prays to mess some things up. Milk cartons should be organized depending on types. Skim. Non-fat. Almond. Soy. Skim. Non-fat. Almond. Soy. Vegetables are arranged by color. Green. Red. Orange. Violet. Brown. Green. Red. Orange. Violet. Brown. Water bottles are on the right. Snacks are placed according to calorie content.

 

"I'll just go check if I locked the car, I'm feeling a bit paranoid." The younger stated with a half-smile on his stressed out face. Taeyong nodded. Once. Twice. Thrice. Three, a perfect number. The number of times Taeyong asked him out before he said yes to a date. He ruffled Taeyong’s hair only to be greeted by a loud _don’t-do-it-again-ever_ look. After fixing the mess he made on the latter’s hair, he went out of the apartment.

 

 

While walking out of the door, Jaehyun reminisced the first time Taeyong asked him to go to his apartment. It was awkward. Taeyong asking him nine times. Do you wanna go see my apartment? Do you wanna go see my apartment? Do you wanna go see my apartment? Do you wanna go see my apartment? Do you wanna go see my apartment? Do you wanna go see my apartment? Do you wanna go see my apartment? Do you wanna go see my apartment? Do you wanna go see my apartment? He actually said yes after the third question but the older went on and on with his question. Removing his coat and folding it in four equal parts, just the way Taeyong likes it. Taeyong’s home screams everything but dirt and misalignments. It was as if, it came straight from a magazine. Just like his boyfriend. The walls are white. Everything is monochromatic. Black chairs. White plates. Black doormats. White cushions. Black sofa. White coffee table. “Hey, hyung. Mind if I leave my jacket here?” Jaehyun pointed at the table where Taeyong’s magazines and old newspapers reside.

 

“No. Don’t. Leave it in my room or at the sofa. Then come help me prepare dinner.”

 

“Can I really come to your room?”

 

“Yes. Want me to repeat myself again?”

 

Jaehyun nodded. Like a child who just got asked if he wants another batch of chocolate crinkles and lollipops. “Three times.”

 

Taeyong smiled. “Leave your coat in my bedroom. Leave your coat in my bedroom.”

 

\--

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

When you have obsessive compulsive disorder you never really have quiet moments. Every day is a constant reminder of misalignments, every moment is an infinite prompt of distorted colors. Taeyong never knew what serene feels like—every second of his life is spent thinking. You forgot your keys. You forgot to turn the stove off. You left the water running. You left the door open. You forgot your keys. You forgot to turn the stove off. You left the water running. You left the door open. You forgot your keys. You forgot to turn the stove off. You left the water running. You left the door open. You forgot your keys. You forgot to turn the stove off. You left the water running. You left the door open.

 

As he was trying to calm himself down he saw a stranger.

 

The first time Taeyong saw him. He saw the map of the world in Jaehyun's eyes. A world without darkness. A world where he is safe from the constant unbearable shouts, vulgar voices and incredulous pain. Wow, a beautiful world planted right in front of him. How lovely was that?

 

“Hi, I’m Lee Taeyong. Do you want to go out with me?” It made the voice around him louder. He’ll reject you. He’s too good for you. What are you doing? You’re creepy. He’ll reject you. He’s too good for you. What are you doing? You’re creepy. He’ll reject you. He’s too good for you. What are you doing? You’re creepy. He’ll reject you. He’s too good for you. What are you doing? You’re creepy.

 

“Uhh…” The beautiful guy started but was briefly interrupted by Taeyong repeating the same exact words he said earlier. “Hi, I’m Lee Taeyong. Do you want to go out with me?” He repeated his attempt, hoping to at least diminish the cries of upcoming rejection he’s hearing. Muffling the beautiful background music that is playing from the piano store nearby. He’ll reject you. He’s too good for you. What are you doing? You’re creepy. He’ll reject you. He’s too good for you. What are you doing? You’re creepy. He’ll reject you. He’s too good for you. What are you doing? You’re creepy. He’ll reject you. He’s too good for you. What are you doing? You’re creepy.

 

"Sure?" The guy answered. Finally.

 

“Hi, I’m Lee Taeyong. Do you want to go out with me?” He asked again. And when Taeyong finally turned to look at the eyes of the stranger in front of him. Silence came. How beautiful was that?

 

\--

 

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

_Everything is ticking._

When you have obsessive compulsive disorder you never really have quiet moments. Every day is a constant reminder of misalignments, every moment is an infinite prompt of distorted colors. Taeyong never knew what serene feels like—every second of his life is spent thinking. Confront your boyfriend. Don’t share your ugly personality on him. Stop hearing his worries. Stop creating the voices around him. Confront your boyfriend. Don’t share your ugly personality on him. Stop hearing his worries. Stop creating the voices around him. Confront your boyfriend. Don’t share your ugly personality on him. Stop hearing his worries. Stop creating the voices around him. Confront your boyfriend. Don’t share your ugly personality on him. Stop hearing his worries. Stop creating the voices around him. _Tell him you love him._

 

Taeyong suddenly stopped chopping the onions. He put the knife away and sat down on the cold tile floor. He’s shaking. Tears are about to fall. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

 

The last thought. It did not repeat itself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love you all. but I love jaeyong the most. it's weird how i ended this story with a chapter called the start, but that's a bit of a metaphor hehe lovelots. jaeyong is precious. support nct 127 rep hehehe


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